Script 2

After recieving our feedback from our first script we were told there was simply too much dialogue and the story could be told through actions rather than words. So we had another look at it and took out, what we thought was, the uneccessary dialogue.


Our teachers feedback;

"i only really have one which i think you need to look at and then i will look at the script again.basically your script comtains too much dialogue to tell the story. go back to what we learnt last year about how to use dialogue. use actions and visuals to tell the story and show character.this is what cinematorgraphy is for. so look at this again. ask a few others in the class. watch a few more films to get ideas. have you seen an old american sitcom called bewitched? still shown on tv sometimes and probably also on yutube. do some research yourselves and find out. then re-script and we will go from there. good luck."


Script 1
INT. MEDIA HALLWAY DAY

LUKE is walking through the corridor and stops at a classroom, staring admiringly at OLIVIA in the room who is acting
[Sits down and plays on his psp]
OLIVIA comes out and he stands up to speak to her, she ignores him and walks away.
She drops a lamp and LUKE picks it up. He stares at the lamp for a minute and looks up to see she’s gone.

LUKE
Argh! I wish I wasn’t such a loser!
[hangs his head]
GENIE
Is that an official wish?
LUKE
What... Who are you –?
GENIE
Oh! Hi I’m Genie, and that’s (points at lamp) my lamp
[Goes to shake his hand]
LUKE
[looks confused and doesn’t shake her hand]
GENIE
I’m YOUR genie now Luke
LUKE
[A bit weary]
How do you know my name?

GENIE’s body language and facial expression as if to say “Well i am a Genie”
LUKE
[raises his eyebrow and then turns to walk away]
GENIE
So why do you think you’re such a loser?
LUKE
What? How did you –

GENIE smiles
LUKE
[Shakes his head/rolls his eyes and walks out]
The GENIE runs out after him
GENIE
I can prove it!

[LUKE pulls a facial expression to say “go on then”]

GENIE makes a chocolate bar appear
LUKE
[Fascinated]
Wow...
[They smile at each other]

EXT. IN SCHOOL. DAY

LUKE and GENIE are walking around together talking
LUKE
So after you grant someone a wish, you have to leave them?

GENIE
Yeah enough about me though, what are you going to wish for?
LUKE
Well... There’s this girl...
[Smiling and thinking to himself]

As LUKE is speaking, they are in different locations, and time is moving on, fading shots with background music]

She’s really cool, and so beautiful...
And when she looks at you!...
But I don’t think she even knows i exist.
She’s so kind and gentle, and has the most stunning smile! I’d love to just walk up to her one day and tell her that I –
[LUKE bumps into OLIVIA and knocks her books on the floor]
OLIVIA
Well pick them up then!

LUKE picks up the books and hands them back to her smiling but she takes them and walks off]
GENIE points to the girl and looks at LUKE
LUKE
That’s her! Olivia!

GENIE looks shocked and slightly confused
GENIE
That’s the girl you like? Erm okay... Well she looked right through you so maybe we should make you noticeable to her first! I know just the thing...

INT. IN A ROOM. DAY

GENIE gives LUKE a mini makeover, removing his glasses, cutting his hair etc.
They also laugh and joke together, playing psp,
LUKE comes out with his new look

GENIE
Wow! You look... great
[Something in her facial expression suggests that she likes LUKE]
LUKE
Really, do you think she’ll like it? I mean... like me?
GENIE
She’d be mad not to
[Her tone goes quite poignant and she looks away]

INT. GEOGRAPHY BLOCK. DAY

LUKE walks towards OLIVIA, and looks back at the Genie and she gives him a thumbs up but once he looks away her facial expression saddens
A slower shot of his walk showing he is nervous
LUKE
[Clears his throat]
Olivia...

OLIVIA turns around

LUKE
I erm...

OLIVIA
[Looks at psp]
What’s that?

LUKE
Oh its my psp, you wanna play?
[He smiles]
OLIVIA
Erm, No! That’s so nerdy!

LUKE reacts to this and suddenly looks towards the genie who is sitting alone on a bench.
LUKE
You know what... I gotta ...
[He walks away from OLIVIA and goes over to the Genie]
LUKE
Genie! I’m ready to make my wish!
GENIE
[Looks sad and is hesitant to grant the wish]
Oh. Are you sure... You don’t wanna wait and s –
LUKE
No no... i know exactly what to wish for

GENIE beckons him to make the wish, with a sad facial expression
[Looks down and gets ready to grant the wish]

LUKE
I wish you weren’t a genie!
GENIE looks up shocked
[She looks up at him and smiles – they both realise they like each other]

INT. CLASSROOM. DAY

LUKE is sitting at his desk waiting for lesson to start. There is a shot of a girl’s feet as she walks into the room, the camera tilts up to reveal GENIE. She takes her seat next to LUKE.